I love black thongs
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
