did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
dude i'm inner monologue high
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
