only if we run a train.
done.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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