hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
