she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
