his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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