Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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