Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
