i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
