Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
