I got chris browned last night
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
