Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
