No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
