i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
