Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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