I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
