Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
