I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I would fuck him just for his dog
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
