When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
BRING THE BAGELS
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
