I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
