I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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