xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
