oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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