If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
