Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
this beer tastes like vomit already
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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