nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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