it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
