Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
