She is in my trunk
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
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Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
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I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
how drunk are you?
Several
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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