I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dating After Heartbreak
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life