You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.