you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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