Texts From Last Night

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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.

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  (505): I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets. http://tfl.nu/lw2y
  Replies (6) Good night (3364) Bad night (561)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  operation harelip BJ is a go

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  (313): operation harelip BJ is a go http://tfl.nu/cnub
  Replies (36) Good night (1088) Bad night (3970)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.

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  (505): There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm. http://tfl.nu/k80u
  Replies (5) Good night (3333) Bad night (990)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.

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  (+44): I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating. http://tfl.nu/brik
  Replies (8) Good night (1189) Bad night (2619)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...

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  (785): She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before... http://tfl.nu/n0in
  Replies (4) Good night (3461) Bad night (899)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.

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  (610): So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though. http://tfl.nu/xgce
  Replies (5) Good night (2359) Bad night (1430)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter

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  (336): i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter http://tfl.nu/ntue
  Replies (7) Good night (2649) Bad night (972)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.

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  (580): It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down. http://tfl.nu/xmf3
  Replies (2) Good night (1592) Bad night (791)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.

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  (603): I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail. http://tfl.nu/cdnn
  Replies (3) Good night (598) Bad night (1374)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?

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  (612): just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately? http://tfl.nu/tgsa
  Replies (5) Good night (990) Bad night (648)
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  (760): View more from California

  I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.

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  (760): I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional. http://tfl.nu/8oha
  Replies (1) Good night (840) Bad night (522)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.

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  (937): They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed. http://tfl.nu/xvv6
  Replies (16) Good night (1095) Bad night (422)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  I'm going through a really dark time right now

  (214): View more from Texas

  I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up

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  (469): I'm going through a really dark time right now (214): I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up http://tfl.nu/zlw3
  Replies (5) Good night (647) Bad night (1531)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions

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  (979): Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions http://tfl.nu/nh9u
  Replies (3) Good night (307) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?

  (1-202): View more from Washington, DC

  All. The answer is always all

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  (202): How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!? (1-202): All. The answer is always all http://tfl.nu/33z7
  Replies (3) Good night (740) Bad night (291)

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