we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants