I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
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Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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