I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
MIDGETS
????
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
