There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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