My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We need to rekindle our bromance
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
