he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize