Your face is a jimmy john
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
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jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
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well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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