Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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