I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize