What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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