You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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