how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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