I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
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I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
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Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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