and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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