the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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