i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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