R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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