I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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