I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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