A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
