I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
