quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
