Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
