This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
