If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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