Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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