I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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