Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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