none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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