I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
