Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
