when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
