He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
