just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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