Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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