so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
