would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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