hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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