I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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