I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
