grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
birth control should be required to get into college
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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