be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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