The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
