I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She bit a glass in half.
where are you?
Hypothermia
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
