Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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