youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
