I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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