dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
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