The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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