would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
