CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
