he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
