i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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