it was like eating out sand paper
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
