I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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