I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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