I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
